‘One last ride’

Donald and Colleen Soper spent Thanksgiving with their family Thursday. While no one knew it at the time, it was one final chance for the 87-year-old couple to gather with those they loved.

Donald, who was 87 and suffered from diabetes, and Colleen, who had Alzheimer’s disease, departed from the family gathering in the Town of Black Earth at approximately 3 p.m., driving away in a black 2008 Dodge Caliber. According to their daughter, Pam Sutcliffe, Mrs. Soper had recently been moved into an assisted living facility, and the couple were enjoying spending some time together.

Exactly what happened next is unclear, but it appears they became lost, eventually driving onto a secluded woodland trail in the Town of Vermont, where authorities discovered them on Saturday following an exhaustive three-day search of the area. When first responders did arrive, they found Mr. Soper had died. Mrs. Soper was still alive and was transported to a local hospital, where she later died.

Following their holiday gathering, family members had become concerned when the couple did not arrive at their destination later in the day. A Silver Alert was issued, and the search commenced. Multiple area fire departments – including Mount Horeb, Black Earth, Cross Plains, Mazomanie, Verona, Belleville and New Glarus - and law enforcement agencies conducted searches of several areas in the western part of Dane County and adjacent areas throughout the evening hours of Thanksgiving Day without locating the missing couple. The search continued throughout the day on Friday, November 29 with no sign of the Sopers or their vehicle.

“I don’t even know how to express how profound and amazing all the help our family received was,” said Sutcliffe. “Help from so many people.” She went on to say a slew of fire departments from all across the region raced to join the search, police flew drones through the sky, and municipal police departments from nearby joined the Dane County Sheriff’s Office “even though it wasn’t even their area.”

“For all of them to give up their Thanksgiving like that, it was just amazing,” she said. “Even if the end wasn’t what we wanted.”

At approximately 10:20 a.m. on Saturday, November 30, the Dodge Caliber was located on a remote “wooded trail” in the Town of Vermont, according to one of the detectives who worked the case. Both Donald and Colleen were with the vehicle, which appeared to be stuck. Mr. Soper was determined to be deceased at the scene and Mrs. Soper was transported to Meriter Hospital in critical condition, where she was later pronounced dead.

As is often the case these days, the family’s sorrow was visible for all to see in real time on social media, with countless people trying to aid the search and later offering their prayers, condolences and memories.

For Sutcliffe, her parents’ final day was bittersweet. She called it “horrible and tragic,” but she also spoke with fondness of the way they spent their final holiday with family. She said their separation, with Mrs. Soper being moved to an assisted living facility because of her Alzheimer’s, had been hard on the couple.

“I couldn’t imagine them without each other,” she said.

On Thanksgiving, Mrs. Soper looked over at her husband and said, “I miss you.” He looked back and replied: “I miss you, too.”

“He always thought of her,” remembered Sutcliffe, who only a few days ago was making cranberry sauce with her mother. “And she always thought of him. He had diabetes so he didn’t eat as much at Thanksgiving, but she was still putting food on his plate, taking care of him.”

Mrs. Soper’s favorite time of year was Christmas, and because of her Alzheimer’s she sometimes put up Christmas decorations throughout the year. But Thursday of last week really was the beginning of the holiday season, and the Sopers spent much of the day celebrating the generations that came after them.

Sutcliffe called their time with the youngest member of the family, a toddler, “a beautiful moment.”

And then, the two went for what their daughter called “one last ride,” together until the end.

In society’s more cynical moments, it is sometimes deemed saccharine to point out that the holidays are a special time to spend with friends and family. People think it is perhaps dangerously close to a Hallmark sentiment to say that days like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and countless other holidays are an excuse to briefly set aside the largely unimportant hustle of work and daily responsibilities for a few fleeting moments with the most important people in your respective world.

But for those grieving the Sopers’ deaths, it seemed clear that without Thanksgiving, they wouldn’t have had one last day together, surrounded by those they loved, and those who loved them.

Orson Welles once pointed out that whether or not you are telling a happy story or a sad one merely depends on when you stop. For those who got to gather around the table one last time with Donald and Colleen Soper on Thursday, it is a poignant idea, and one they continue to grapple with as they simultaneously grieve and give thanks.
“I’ve decided that was God’s gift to me,” said Sutcliffe. “To have that day.”

“They had a profound faith,” she concluded. “That is probably what helped them in those final hours. That God was with them. There was never a meal that they didn’t pray before.”